the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
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