the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
