I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
