Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
