If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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