That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
