This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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