i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Couch. On fire.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
