You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
