My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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