I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
