So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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