he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
