if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
