He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
