you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
