i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
