i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My dick has a subreddit
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
