i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just had sex on a roof
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
