He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
