Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
