You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
