Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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