So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
