Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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