the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
