In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
