Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
