Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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