Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize