she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
