so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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