sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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