Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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