i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
