He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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