Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize