Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
