I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
