Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize