Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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