i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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