I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
