Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
