I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
