Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
