You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
