i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
