so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
