he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
