Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
