I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
