I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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