saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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