you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
ok first of all what the fuck
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
