what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
