Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
