so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
