On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
