i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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