like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it glows. i had to have it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize