I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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