Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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