Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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