trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
