Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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