I can tuck mytits in my pants
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
