I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
