my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sober January is a disaster.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
