***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
