Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
