everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
