I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
