I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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