guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
