You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
